I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they
she definitely named her daughter with this joke in mind and waited patiently for years for the chance to finally make it
(Source: oxnam, via full-monty)
"Marry someone who can make you laugh in public and scream in bed."
Kelly Rowland texting Nelly via Microsoft Excel and then getting annoyed when he doesn’t text back.
Fuck I’m walking downtown and I pass a group of guys staring at me and I think “great catcall time” but then one guy goes “you look like you could kill a man a million different ways with just your bare hands”. This. This is an acceptable comment to give a girl on the street.